How to Manage Crucial Conversations with Ease
Communication is essential to business, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Some topics can be particularly tough — such as deciding to terminate an employee — but it’s imperative to master these “crucial conversations,” says Kellie Barton, senior system director of talent management and education for Franciscan Missionaries of Our Lady Health System.Crucial conversations have three elements, Barton says: two parties must have opposing views, the stakes have to be high and the decision must involve strong emotions. These criteria could apply to many workplace interactions, such as negotiating a raise or a budget review.Navigating these high-stakes, emotional conversations to get both parties aligned was the crux of Barton’s presentation, “Managing Crucial Conversations,” at a recent Baton Rouge Area Chamber monthly lunch meeting. Barton says that with some introspection and improved communication skills, everyone can manage these crucial conversations more successfully.
Balancing Behavior
A big part of Barton’s job at Franciscan Missionaries of Our Lady Health System is to help leaders achieve business results through positive interactions. Some people achieve results but leave a wake of destruction with negative behavior, while others are very nice and positive but achieve no results; they need to balance both, Barton says.Too often during crucial conversations, Barton says, people adopt an attitude of “silence or violence.” On the “silence” side, they clam up, shut down, maybe pout — and nothing will change. On the “violence” side, they may get upset, subtly threaten, engage in bullying behavior or actually become violent. Just as people need to balance behavior with results, they need to navigate these two extremes and find a middle ground, Barton says.
Create an Atmosphere of Safety
Barton says that eight years ago, her organization realized it was “missing” crucial conversations that should have been happening but weren’t because people didn’t feel comfortable having them. They didn’t feel safe, and felt there would be punishment, retribution or hurt feelings after these crucial talks.In health care, she says, if people don’t feel safe, they can’t tell you what’s wrong. This applies to patients as well as employees. A nurse must feel empowered to tell a doctor when he sees the wrong medication being prescribed or administered. An aide must feel comfortable saying that a bandage was applied incorrectly. This improves patient outcomes and benefits everyone; silence does not.To begin a crucial conversation, Barton says, start with an open mind and an atmosphere of safety. Think about where you want the conversation to end. She says she often begins by stressing that she and the other party are on the same team and both want to achieve a good outcome. This keeps people from feeling like they need to “win” the conversation, she says.
Look for Crucial Cues
Sometimes you know a conversation will be crucial before it starts, while other times a conversation becomes crucial midway through. If you know the cues to look for, you can identify the crucial conversation and keep it on track, Barton says. Can you feel tensions rising? Are you seeing “silence or violence” behaviors in your partner, or yourself? Are healthy motives like learning, finding the truth or strengthening a relationship becoming unhealthy, like saving face, being right, punishing or avoiding?
Take a Step Back
As soon as you notice you’re not in a productive dialogue with this other person, you should take a step back, reassess and try a different approach. Barton says she likes to take a breath, count to 10 if she has to, paraphrase the other person’s words and concerns, or find anything that will take a few seconds to lower the tension and keep her from reacting poorly.
Getting Back on Track
When people reach an impasse, Barton says, it’s because one of two things has happened: Either someone has lost respect or they no longer want the same things. An apology, if necessary, can help if the conversation has devolved into disrespect. Reestablishing a mutual purpose with a healthy motive can make sure everyone wants the same things. It’s no longer about winning or being right; it’s about working together to fix the budget, etc.The right mix of candor and respect are key to healthy and productive relationships, especially to achieve business results, Barton says. People with high respect and low candor are doormats, and those with high candor and low respect are bullies. Both are useless in the workplace. Navigate these two and crucial conversations can happen successfully, she says.Success Labs is a leadership-development and management consulting firm in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. For more than 25 years, our expert team of consultants has worked with hundreds of companies to explore their business potential and improve their company and cultural performance. Contact us to get proactive about your people strategy.
